Fear and Envy

I was at a friend's picnic recently. There was another child near ds' age so of course we sat right near her and her mother so they could interact. The other mother knew about my son's peanut allergy. In fact, we were talking about it just as she fed her daughter a snack with peanuts in it. It was the closest I (or ds) has been to peanuts since he was diagnosed. I gotta admit, it kind of freaked me out sitting so close to someone eating something that could potentially be lethal to my son, let alone the horribleness of another "minor reaction" like he had the first time when his face swelled so much you could barely see his eyes and three hours later a horrid rash covered his body. But I didn't say anything except "that has peanut in it right?" to which the other mother responded with "oh yea, your son should definitely not eat that." I stayed outwardly calm while my brain worried about the girl's fingers being contaminated with peanut, holding hands with my son who still puts his fingers in his mouth. But I didn't move. I didn't insist her hands get wiped. Nothing bad happened. We all survived. And to someone who has never had to deal with this loathsome allergy, this probably sounds like an over-reaction. The whole experience drove a point home to me- that people who don't really know about allergies, REALLY don't know about allergies and how dangerous they can be. I was in this group until recently so I must try to make an effort to be understanding.

My son, thankfully, wasn't interested in the peanut snack or the chocolate or any of the other goodies around at the picnic. He's never had chocolate so he doesn't know what he's missing and he was content munching on his rice crackers. But oh the envy I felt as I watched that little girl eat all those forbidden things. We take so much for granted. Like being able to eat any food at a picnic, not caring where it was made, or by whom. I felt a tad resentful that I must always check every food to make sure it is safe and that my son will have to continue doing this for the rest of his life. I felt loaded down with the responsibility of always making sure to have snacks/food around that my son can eat. I HATE this allergy and all the fear and envy and everything that goes with it.