Why?

I decided to start this blog on a positive note. As I mentioned in my previous post, life with a peanut allgeric loved one is an emotional roller coaster. There are days when I feel confident I can protect my son and teach him to protect himself. Days when I completely tune out the allergy altogether and pretend there isn't one. Days when I can't stop crying and feeling pity (mixed with fear) for my son and myself. But recently, I am feeling- in a word- BETTER.

Here are some of the things I have thought to make myself feel better in the past:
1) I'm thankful my son doesn't have something worse like cancer (if you have to tell yourself this, it's still pretty bad).
2) I'm thankful my son only has peanut and egg allergies (and I'm pretty hopeful that he'll outgrow the egg).
3) I'm thankful for my son's egg allergy cause it helps with the peanut allergy- people who question why he can't eat something that doesn't contain peanuts (because cross-contamination is a hard one to grasp), will not give my son unsafe foods like cakes or cookies cause they mostly contain egg.
4) I'm thankful that we live in an age where people are more aware of food allergies in general.
5) I'm thankful to live in the age of the internet where I can get information and support in English (otherwise I'd go bonkers here in Japan)
6) I'm thankful that peanuts and peanut butter are not as commonly used here in Japan.
7) I'm thankful I can speak enough Japanese to call companies to double check if they process anything containing peanuts.

and more than anything else:

I am thankful for my son, peanut allergies and all!

Recently, I have had a change in the way I think about my son's allergy. I used to pray that he'd outgrow it. But it seems like even if you outgrow it, you could regain the allergy, so I wonder if you'd ever really feel safe. Now I just pray that if he has to go through life with this allergy that he will be safe. I also started to think that maybe there is a reason for his allergy. After all, I have gone on and off of peanut butter my whole life, sometimes being disgusted by it and unable to eat it for long periods at a time. I had terrible morning sickness and could barely eat anything the first trimester. I could have just as easily gone off peanut butter while pregnant. Instead, I craved it and ate it by the spoonful. For a long time I felt guilty, believing I caused my son's allergy. I had never heard a link between eating peanut butter during pregnancy and breastfeeding and peanut allergies in children before. I gave up coffee and alcohol and even feta cheese. I would have given up peanut butter if I'd known. But I didn't know and I did crave it. And I believe things happen for a reason. So maybe my son will grow up to help people affected by food allergies. Maybe he'll be a professional athlete or famous movie actor or singer and promote awareness. Maybe he'll open a nut free restaurant or bakery. Maybe he'll be the scientist that comes up with a cure. Who knows. But I believing this way has helped me accept my son's allergy. And no matter what other ailments or challenges come into my son's life, I am soooo thankful that he came into ours.

Finally, a first post

Hello and welcome. If you found this blog after searching the net for information on peanut allergy because you've had the scare of your life involving your little one having a reaction to a food you probably love, I know exactly how you feel. Peanut allergy is one of the scariest food allergies out there. It's a wild card in that no matter how low the number on the blood test, no matter how minor the reaction in the past, no matter how little the amount of peanut consumed, it seems to always be considered a dangerous, potentially life threatening allergy. It's a frustrating allergy because you can explain over and over and OVER again to people that all food is potentially dangerous, even if there is no peanut in the ingredients. (I gotta be honest, this one is still hard for me to come to terms with). A knife can be wiped clean, even washed and still have some traces of peanut protein on it that are invisible to the eye but not to the body's immune system. People will think you are over-reacting, but really, can you really over-react to that kind of threat? No one would give their children food prepared in a kitchen next to rat poison, *just-in-case*. Peanuts might as well be rat poison for my son.

I found out about his peanut allergy ten months ago. I set up this blog eight months ago, but couldn't bring myself to post. I didn't want to jinx his chances of being in the elusive twenty percent of people who can possibly outgrow this allergy. I know that sounds silly, but when your child is diagnosed with a dangerous food allergy, you don't always think straight. For the first few months after I understood the risk we were up against (in the beginning I had no idea and still ate Snickers bars around my son!) I felt creeped out just walking down the aisle of the grocery store with nuts and peanut butter stacked up menacingly around us. It is so overwhelming in the beginning, researching all the scary facts, finding "safe" food, looking for a possible "get out of peanut allergy free" card.

So if you are there, still at the beginning of this unexpected and unwanted journey, take heart. I wanted to start this blog back when I first found out about my son's allergy because I wanted to help others in a similar situation. But it was too hard in the beginning. I went through long periods where I didn't want to think about his allergy or deal with it at all. And days when it came crashing down on me, keeping me up late at night in tears searching the internet for information and reassurance. But finally, FINALLY, I am here posting on my blog. Now my major block more than fear is time. I do hope however to share as much as I can as we navigate through the scary world of food allergies where we are living, here in Japan.

From reading labels in Japanese, to flying back back home to Canada for a visit this summer, I hope to spread awareness about dealing with food allergies, peanut in particular, and to help people in similar situations as other bloggers have helped me.